So there I was circa 2002 in NYC. I'm sitting in a bar with my boy Mike and two beautiful ladies we met a few weeks ago in Bryant Park. Of course the swag is on full tilt for this double date; I want to make a good impression. Now if you know NYC women -- the diva types that are -- you know that you need not venture if you aren't sharper than a tack whether courting, seducing, or just trying to get laid. Therefore, you gotta let things play out, keep your composure, and when she gives you the opportunity (whether it's lunch, a movie, or a simple walk in the park), like a tiger with a limp, you can't be half steppin' - because one false move can make the difference between eating good, or becoming the meal du jour. But I'm digressing...
So we're having a good time chilling in a quaint caribbean restaurant in downtown Brooklyn. The conversation between myself and my date was going great, we're laughing, bugging out and enjoying the atmosphere.
Mike on the other hand seemed more quiet than normal, not saying much at all. Now Mike has been my boy for years, and I trust him around the opposite sex. He is a great wingman, but things are a little different here: his date was gorgeous and socially engaging, so I had a hard time reading him. And Mike is not the type of guy that fumbles with the ball, which compounds this situation a little more.
So I decide to order mojito's for everyone, and soon thereafter, Mike jumps out of his social cocoon. Like myself, Mike can be a goofball, which is all good - until he decides to share this joke:
"Yo, I got this joke for you'z ok? Bust. So there's this guy that builds this house - with his bare hands, all bricks. Upon completion, he stands in the front yard admiring his work, but stops to think, 'something is missing here, I need a wall built around my house.' So what does he do? He orders 100 bricks and builds this brick fence with his bare hands right?
(disclaimer: I have no idea why Mike always says "Boom" when he gets excited - but it's funny as hell)
So he orders these bricks and builds this fence right? Swiftly. As he finishes, he sits back to admire his work, looks down, and realizes that he has used every single brick -- except one. Now dude is mad thrifty, so instead of tossing this brick away, he just orders 99 more and takes on a new project.
So he orders these 99 bricks and decides to build a fireplace right? He's on it, building it up and of course, it's nice. All done right? But guess what? He's left with this one brick. So now he's perplexed... thinking, 'what can I do with this last brick?' He simply refuses to throw it away, so...
He decides 'I'll just order 99 more bricks and make a patio in the backyard.' So boom... the bricks arrive. Now he's doing his thing, building this cool little patio in the backyard - by hand no less, right? He's finishes, but guess what? He looks to the ground and sees this one... brick... left... over again. Now dude is bugging. Perplexed.
So I ask you... what does he do?"
(Silence ensues... we anticipate the punchline at this time -- in the form of a Boom -- so we anxiously wait... and sure enough...)
He ain't going out like that. He refuses to let this last brick go to waste. So he decides to order 99 more bricks. He's gonna build a sidewalk for the front of the house this time. The bricks arrive, and of course, he's building and building and...
Done, but guess what? He's still has this one... brick... left...over. Crazy right?
So tell me... what does he do?"
(Silence again... we have no idea where this is going, but we as we are getting a little tired of the BOOMs - we decide to quickly interject this time)
"Does he order another 99 bricks to build some'n new?" I ask.
"Umm, I know" says my date. "He saves that brick to build something else maybe?"
"Sorry sweetheart. That would be a negative."
"Hmmm" says Mike's date. You got me, so now I'm curious... please do tell."
"Ok, Ok Ok. Dude said fluck it. He threw the brick away - just like that. Get it, got it? He trached it!
BOOM! Ha ha!"
(Collective blank stares ensue... Mike is the only one laughing. Now Mike doesn't know that he just lost 3 years worth of cool points with this cornball assinine joke... I mean nobody's laughing, but worse, this attempted joke has cast a serious unsavory mood around the table)
"Yo Mike, are you serious man? Is that it? Come on dude. You put us on pause dawg - for this? Are you kidding me man? I can't get these 5 minutes back in my life bro. C'mon"
"Come on, what? I can't believe you'z not laughing. That wasn't funny to you?"
All sobered up, I realize that we all need another drink after that lupe fiasco attempt of a joke... if these ladies even decide to stick around.
(This is Part 1 of The Absolute Worst Joke Ever. This isn't over at all - it only gets worse... I'm serious. Read part 2 here)