Is It Disrespectful if he Stares at a Woman???

Dear MANChild,

I have no problem with my boyfriend taking a quick glance at someone who is nice looking because I do that too. We spoke about this in-depth and came to the conclusion that looking is harmless.

But I have a problem when my boyfriend takes long hard stares at girls to where it feels like he is trying to get her to notice him, sending signals to her and whatnot. I had a problem once when we were at a store when there was this hot chick standing in line in front of us. He stared at her the whole time we were in line, to such a point that I decided to walk out the store as he continued to stare at her. When he came out of the store, he asks why I stormed out upset. When I told him that I was not going to stand next to him and be disrespected that way, he says “oh so now you're jealous?”

Another time (out of the many other times) his daughter and I were waiting for him to get into the car, but he was standing outside the car staring at another girl too long. When I brought it up, his excuse was that he was looking for his phone thinking that he may have lost it.

Whatever.

I would like an outside opinion on his behavior. I feel that I deserve to be treated better. Am I just being really insecure and too sensitive? I think that staring at girls in that way is just like hitting on her. Am I crazy for thinking that? He says that I am being petty and overreacting. Please help me with this.

Signed,

Frustrated.

 

Dear Frustrated,

I don't think that you are overreacting at all.  Dude is OD'ing and he should be checked. Guys have a tendency of engaging females in eye sex, which is not a good look in his situation.

Not only that, but don't you think he is setting a bad example to his daughter? Did you address that with him?

I believe that you have a valid reason to be very upset with him. I wouldn't start cooking hot grits, but you should definitely stand your ground. This kind of behavior is definitely out of character and should serve as a telltale sign that he may be playing the field.   

Peace.

 

 

Now let's take this topic a little further.

I understand that not every member of the male species is the same when it comes to this - some of us are courteous, while others may point, stare, howl and grunt at a clearly claimed woman. Now that’s just blatant disrespect and is grounds for ice grillage and possible blood spillage. Bottom line.

Outside of that though, I see no reason to get your boxers in a bunch just because your guy happens to look in a girl’s direction. If she’s hot, you’re a damn fool if you think other men won’t take notice. But faking the funk by looking on the sly is not a good thing, IMO.

I had a similar issue once at the tender age of 15. My girl was beautiful, and this was an issue. The issue was that she had some ridiculously sexy legs that drew plenty of unwanted attention from boys (and grown ass men). As much as I preferred her to wear jeans or at the very least stockings to mute the cocoa butter loveliness, there wasn’t much I could do about dudes acting out of pocket. She had nice legs and if I saw her on the street I’d look too. It was just something I learned to deal with because at the end of the day she is leaving with me. I'm not the jealous type either, but I remember dudes habitually crossing the line of decorum.

The flipside to this scenario, though, is the wandering eye. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve seen a girl (guys are guilty of this too) walking hand-in-hand with their boo and still give the sexy eye to the next man. Foul. One of two things is usually going on here. Shorty is either down for the jump-off or the guy by her side is just a friend. Unless they’re holding hands or canoodling, you really don’t know if this is a couple or unmarked territory.

In unclear situations, Man Law denotes that when you see a woman of interest with another male you have to ask “permission” before approaching her. (i.e. “Pardon me, homie, is that you?”) If you get the green light its all systems go, but if she’s taken you respectfully bow out. (“Oh, my bad, homie, you’re a lucky man”). At the end of the day I think it’s okay to look at another man’s woman, but please don’t stare, touch or speak. No harm, no foul.

Do you think a man or woman has the right to be upset if someone on the street looks at their mate? Should you take that as a compliment or a sign of disrespect? Do you think over-possessiveness is a sign of insecurity? Could you stay with someone that constantly wanted to fight everyone that looked at you? Are there some females that get off on their man being jealous? Does it make you feel sexy when other men check you out when you’re with your man? Fellas, have you ever tried to tone down your girl’s outfit to avoid unnecessary attention? Do you have a fly female friend that causes dudes to eyeball you whenever you walk down the street with her? Do you stare at other guys’ girls or try to look away? What would you do if you caught your girl/man looking at someone else while walking with you?

 

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Richard Cooper:  Life is about choice. We are the sum of our choices. And most of them are made for us. You can't choose when you're born. You can't choose where you are born. You can't choose your family. You can't even choose who you love. But you can choose how you love.